Tagalog Jokes Quotes Text Messages 71

Sexy: maawa ka! Meron ako, meron ako!

Rapist: ah! Wlang meron2 skin! Ti2kman

kta!

Sexy: wag! Ay!!

Rapist: yaaak! Meron k nga!

Meron kang itlog, bakla!

__________________________________________________

Visayan Jokes Quotes Text Messages 97

ISKO: kagubot sa akong

kinabuhi uy!

PAENG: mas gubot akoa!

tanawa, naminyo ko sa

biyuda may anak dalaga...

gipakaslan pud ni papa

ang anak...mama na noon

nako ang dalaga, ug si papa

ako ng anak...ang asawa nako

ugangan ni papa, ug manganak

sila, lolo ko sa akong igsoon...

kagubot uy!!!

________________________________________________

Love Story Quotes Text Messages 2

A story with a MORAL

my gf called me 2 her

house 1 day...i went there

& found her sister alone

in the house "she's absolutely

sexy" she whispered in my ear

"i have feelings for you, make

love to me once" i turned around

& walked to the front door 2wards

my car. amazingly i found my gf

standing there, she huged me &

said "you have won my trust"

MORAL:

its always better to keep the

condoms in the car & not in the

pocket...

_________________________________________________

Tagalog Jokes Quotes Text Messages 70

"Don't hurt the heart that

never hurt you. Cause the

heart you hurt may hurt

you too." Eh ano dapat?

"Hurt the heart that hurt

your heart? But how can

you hurt the heart that

hurt your heart if that

heart who hurt your heart

is the only heart that could

fix your broken heart?"

Huwag kag mg emote

TONGUE TWISTER LANG

YAN!!!!

_________________________________________________

anong HAYOP ang

nag ccmula sa letter

X?

--X BOYFRIEND--

_________________________________________________

Maganda at pangit nag-aaway.....

Pangit: what is beauty, if the brain is empty....

Maganda: what is knowledge, if the face is damage....

_________________________________________________

Jokes Quotes Text Messages 51

when you obey all

the rules....

you'll gonna miss

all the FUN...

_________________________________________________

Love Quotes Text Messages 159

true love is when someone

loves you still...eventhough

somebody owns you already

_________________________________________________

moving on is useless if you

really love that person just

let your heart feel the pain

until you realize its OVER

_________________________________________________

Inspirational Qoutes Text Messages 144

don't be disappointed if the

world refuses to help you

remember the words of

Einstien: "I'm thankful

to all those who said NO

coz of them I did it by

MYSELF!!!

_________________________________________________

I love pictures....

because the best

thing about them

is that they never

change, even when

the people in it really

do....

_________________________________________________

LIFE is lyk an exam dat we

hav 2 pass. It's a multiple

choice 2 realize dat we

always hav options. A true

or false dat we need 2 dstinguish

b/w ryt & wrong. A matching type

deciding wat is best 4 us dat match

wid skills & passions. An identification

2 understand dat we hav our own identity

& uniqueness as an individual, Most of

all life is an essay & we are its author.

Its in our hands 2 decide how our own

story runs.

__________________________________________________

Inspirational Qoutes Text Messages 143

"never feel sad on losing

anything in your life,

coz whenever a tree loses

its leaf a new leaf is ready

to take its place"

________________________________________________

FAIL is

F-irst

A-ttempt

I-n

L-earning

but once done twice, you

FAIL because you

F-orgot

A-pplying

I-ts

L-essons

_________________________________________________

Before doing anything, think

of it 1st. coz sometimes you

are too blinded in reality for

which in the end, you'll be

killed by depression...

_________________________________________________

Inspirational Qoutes Text Messages 142

"Sometimes being free

means staying in a place

where your heart finds

real Happiness"

_________________________________________________

We can never go back

and change what has

been said & done but

we can always earn the

lesson to make things

better next time...

_________________________________________________

God is the best Listener

you don't need to shout

Nor cry out loud becoz

He hears even d very

silent Prayer of a sincere

heart ;-)

_________________________________________________

Inspirational Qoutes Text Messages 141

A simple thought:

:A single LIE that was discovered

is enough to create contagious

DOUBT over every other

TRUTH expressed:

________________________________________________

PRIDE is like some medicine

that needs to be swallowed

YES! it's bitter...but later

on it will make you feel better

_________________________________________________

The great use of life is

to spend it for something

that will outlast it...

_________________________________________________

Love Quotes Text Messages 158

Sum1 saw me lonely alone,
she said:
f u really luv her, y don't
u l8 her fil 8???
I answered with teary eyes:
i can't even g8 her attention,
how much more her heart???

__________________________________________________

Everytime I see a couple, holding hands
or just plainly sitting together, I look away.
It's not that I hate seeing lovers. But because
it reminds me of a question nobody can
answer . "WHERE'S MINE?"

__________________________________________________

There are 2 things that pierce
the human heart:
moments we wish would last
forever & moments we wish
had never begun

__________________________________________________

Visayan Jokes Quotes Text Messages 96

COURT
Judge: Pedro, unsa man jud
ang nahitabo?
Pedro: (wala ni tingog)
Judge: tubaga ang question!
Pedro: ingon hearing lang ni!
Ngano naay Speaking?

_____________________________________________________

hating gabi, hot na hot c misis bumulong
kai mister...
Misis: loves, wala na aqng panty.
Mister: ok, wag kang mag alala,
bibilhan kta bukas ;-)

_____________________________________________________

Visayan Jokes Quotes Text Messages 95

KERIDO: Babe, ano nem ko sa celpon mo

para d ta masakpan sa imo bana?

KERIDA: Mc Donald

KERIDO: Ngano man?

KERIDA: Love ko to! ako langga? ano nem

ko sa celpon mo?

KERIDO: BDO

KERIDA: Ngano man kana gipili nmo?

KERIDO: We Find Ways!

____________________________________________________

Anak ni laag wa nisulod ug klaC ni ad2 ug bar

ANAK: Yes! Party Party!!!

gi apas sa inahan

INAHAN: bwesit! naa ra d i ka dri wa ka ni

sulod!

ANAK: (nihangad sa langit og gibali ang sanina)

Daan pa ko, d lageh ni skwelahan ma, gilamat

man ko oi!

_____________________________________________________

TEACHER: mgpaclass pcture ta para inig dako

ninyo maka ingn mo, "wow c dodong police na"

"wow c inday nurse na" "wow c totoy Atty. na"

JUAN: "wow c mama patay na"

TEACHER: lingkod animal!!! ayaw og apil ha!!!

_____________________________________________________

Girl Quotes 1

Good girls blush during

naughty scenes in the

movies...Bad girls smile

because they know they

can do better :-)

_________________________________________________

Inspirational Qoutes Text Messages 140

if you give up soon, you'll

never know what you'll be

missing...don't stop when

you're tired...stop when

you're done...

____________________________________________________

"if you really want something

don't be impatient, relax & wait

for the chance of grabbing it...

just remember this: "no matter

how many times you push the

elevator button, it will not come

any faster not until the right floor

come." sometimes waiting is better

than forcing events that could last

in wasting...

____________________________________________________

a soldier fights not because

he hates the one in front of

him...but because he loves

the people behind him...

____________________________________________________

Visayan Love Qoutes Text Message 27

Boy: gakapuling lagi ko?

Girl: (worried) huh? dili man

abog kai ulan man. why mana?

Boy: gakapuling in love ko sa imo

_________________________________________________

nagnu man d i og gamay kug

utok? ikaw raman puy sulod!!!

_________________________________________________

Maningil nako ugma xa bayad pra

sa imong abang ha?

dugai2x naman gud ka ga puyu-ai

sa ako huna2x!!!

__________________________________________________

Inspirational Qoutes Text Messages 139

if you feel 2 much happiness

from someone...you feel 2 much

PAIN too when hurt!!!

_________________________________________________

there is no clock on a

woman's heart. it just

drifts away on its own

time

_________________________________________________

a nice thought to keep:

"you may not be perfect in many things

but, many things cannot be perfect

without you."

_________________________________________________

Inspirational Qoutes Text Messages 138

wonder why God did not give us

d gift to read d minds of other

people? so we could have d chance

to trust and the privilege to be

trusted

_________________________________________________

with money you can buy

a house but not a home

a clock not time, a bed

but not sleep, a book

but not knowledge, see

a doctor but not good health

buy a position but not respect

blood but not life, sex but not

love....

__________________________________________________

don't go 4 sum1 hu's always

tellin u how perfect u r, bcoz

ur not...find sum1 who will tell

u exactly wat s/he thinks of u...

sum1 who will tell u how irritating

& impossible u can be...sum1 who

gives complimnts at the ryt time,

sum1 who will laugh at ur clumsiness

but will still love u 4 it...sum1 who won't

be afraid in telling u d truth bcoz only those

person who can be honest & loyal up to

d end will last!!!!

___________________________________________________

Visayan Greetings Qoutes Text Messages 1

usa ka mapanukaron sa pag atubang

sa bag ong yugto sa kinabuhi inubanan

sa prisensya ug gasa na gikan kai

MAGBABAYA ug usa ka maabundansyang

kabuntagon kanino...

________________________________________________

Tagalog Jokes Quotes Text Messages 69

Sabi ng baboy sa mag lilitson:

"Just gonna stand there &

watch me burn, but that's

alright becoz i like the way

it hurts." i like d way 8 hurts

________________________________________________

walang dahilan para hindi ka

magmahal ulit...kung nabigo

ka sa una at nasaktan sa pangalawa

malay mo sa susunod mas grabe pa!!!

hindi lahat ng quotes inspiring!!!

________________________________________________

Love Quotes Text Messages 157

I haven't got a chance to think

of you today, because i'm not

yet done thinking of you since

yesterday!!!

________________________________________________

Jealousy comes from insecurities

Insecurities comes from doubts

Underestimating the LOVE

________________________________________________

there are times when i want

to tell the world how much i

love someone, but too late...

the world already knows how

much that person loves someone

else...

________________________________________________

Friendship Quotes Text Messages 64

how do FRIENDS help us in

problems? they give the most

STUPID suggestion that will

make us laugh and forget

about the PROBLEM...

________________________________________________

Do u know d relationship

between ur 2 eyes?

dey blink 2gether, move

2gether, see things 2gether,

cry 2gether, see things 2gether

& sleep 2gether even though

dey never see each other

Friendship should b just like

that. Life is like a hell w/o

friends...

________________________________________________

Visayan Jokes Quotes Text Messages 94

Funny Chinese Names

born secretly: TINA GO

born w/o light: ANDY LIM

born fat: BOB UY

born different: EVA YAN

meron png mas grabe

born blind: FE YONGFEYONG

born skinny: NEE WANG

born by surprise: CORA TAN

born forgetful: LIM TAN

born w/ broken bones: FE ANG

_________________________________________________

it feels gud 2 hear ur luv1 say:

ANHI DAW KA INGN NI MAMA

but it feels much better 2 hear

ur luv1 say: ANHI BALAI WALA

SI MAMA!!!

_________________________________________________

Gus2 mo ba malaman kung

ano ka dati bago ka na reincarnate?

Kunin ang pangatlong letra sa iyng

pangalan!

A. Unggoy B. Santino

C. Paru-paru D. Genius

E. Engkanto F. Anghel

G. Bitok H. Muta

I. Diwata J. Tabili

K. Agta L. Baki na bakakon

M. Askal N. Artista

O. Bulaklak P. Lumot

Q. Kanding R. Prinsesa

S. Pusang gala T. Kaka buktot

U. Tiki V. Silhig tukog

W. Kasag X. Kalawang

Y. Dogong Z. Enkantada

_________________________________________________

Inspirational Qoutes Text Messages 137

Strongly true:

In childhood we pretend to cry

when sleepy 2 attract mom's

attention...Now we pretend 2 be

sleep when actually we are crying

quietly...

_________________________________________________

Lord thank you for TRUE

people who ENRICH my life

& make it MEANINGFUL by

their LOVE let them live

under your care and BLESS them

always...Good Day!!!

__________________________________________________

Thought for the day:

if you let pride drive

your behavior you will

always increase the

chance of losing what

you are trying to keep

__________________________________________________

Tagalog Love Quotes Text Messages 68

Sa hinaba haba man ng tulog ko

IKAW pa rin ang dahilan ng

bawat pag gising KO...

______________________________________________

madaling mahalin ang taong

palangiti...pero masarap mahalin

ang supladong ikaw lang ang

nakapagpangiti....

______________________________________________

kung ayaw nya sayo

wag mo na xa habulin

pwede ka namang maglakad

papunta sa akin...

______________________________________________

Inspirational Qoutes Text Messages 136

A piece of advice:

if you know wrong ADMIT it

if you know you're RIGHT, just

shut up. You don't need to prove

yourself to idiots....

_______________________________________________

Sometimes you need to put walls

up around you... Not to keep people

out...but to see...who cares enough

to break them down just to be w/ u

_______________________________________________

there are things that can never be settled

Sometimes SORRY is not enough...it's better

for two people forget and be strangers...

thus, TIME becomes your 2nd SORRY

when you cross paths with that person again

maybe by then...smiling wouldn't be so hard

to do...

______________________________________________

Visayan Love Qoutes Text Message 26

yaw kog ituklod

bacn mabira tika

ug

mahulog tang duha

sa usag usa

_______________________________________________

BOY: miss? PAg sugod na og

warm-up

GIRL: warm up?kay ngano man?

BOY: kay karong taod2x mudagan

na pod ka sa akong huna2x!!!

_______________________________________________

sa kadaghang words sa kalibutan

nganong IKAW man ang akong

ganahan???

_______________________________________________

Love Quotes Text Messages 156

true love waits, forgives & sacrifices...

but sometimes no matter true the love is...

it will definitely come to a point where it

will suddenly get tired when taken for

granted, abused & not appreciated...

so if you have known someone who

loves you...appreciate it before it says

GOODBYE...

__________________________________________________

when a girl takes care of a boy

boy thinks it's LOVE, but its

FRIENDSHIP...when a boy

takes care of a girl, thinks its

FRIENDSHIP, but its LOVE

__________________________________________________

true love never surrenders

it might get tired but a little

rest is enough to love again

even better coz true love would

never complain it would always

find way to understand pain

__________________________________________________

Tagalog Jokes Quotes Text Messages 68

15 minutes late policy:

wla pa c mam!

ung bag lng nya ang nsa table,

aftr 15 minutes umalis na ang mga s2dents.

d nxt day ngalit c mam.

sbi,

"f my bag is here! it mins im present!"

knabukasan,
ngalit n nman c mam, guess wat?

puro bag ang nsa upuan ng mga students..
___________________________________________________

"wlang maputik at mdilim na daan..


kung laag and adtuan ug uyab ang kauban"

very inspiring:

pakpak mga palajubz ug laagan! wahahahah

___________________________________________________

Love Story Quotes Text Messages 1

D guy nluv w/ his gf. Wen dey broke up, he can't tke 8.
aftr 1 yr..
8s d gurls b'day.
Guy: hello bb, i rmmberd ur bday evn f u hurt me..
D gurl cried.
gurl: im sory..Can i embrace u 4 da last tym?
Guy: i luv u so much. Here's a card 4 u.
Gurl: thank u. i luv u 2.
Guy: 8 was 2 late bye..
And he ran away. Wen she open dat card,
8 says: i miz u bb. plz visit my griev, coz 2morw is
my death aniversary. I commited suicide d day u left me.

__________________________________________________________

Here's 1 short story:

Nyt b4 der weddign d guy wnt 2 hs gf's haws.
wyl w8ng his gf at d lving rum hius gf's hot sis told him
"f u lyk 2 hav sex wid me, im upstairs!"

He stand der shocked * a bit confused. Dn he mde up his mind &
turnd hs back 2 go 2 his car parkd outsyd.
2 his surprise, hs gf's w8ng outsyd wd tears n her eyes saying,

"u passed d test, im happy 2 b ur wife!"

Jokes Quotes Text Messages 50

i know ol kinds of chocolates are sweet..

but nothing can compare 2 d sweetness of my..


L I P S

:)
_______________________________________________________

A NUN rides a taxi.

TAXI DRIVER:
Sister it s always my dream 2 kiss a NUN.
Can u grant my wish?

NUN: ok but 1st u shud b catholic & 2nd u have 2b single.

TAXI DRIVER: i am both catholic & still single.

So d Nun fulfils d taxi drver's fantasy & kisses him.

TAXI DRIVER: thank u sister bt i must confess..i lied 2 u..
i am married & i'm a muslim.

NUN: Dats ok...i'm on my way 2 a costume party & my real name
s BOYET.

___________________________________________________________

Visayan Jokes Quotes Text Messages 93

buknoy: toy, imo man kuno gtug.an sa sko uyab nga pisot ko?!

bitoy: wla noy oi! ako ra xia g.ingnan nga hapit nka tuli.on

buknoy: aw lage, abi nkog nitug.an ka!

__________________________________________________


Toothbrush: bashota ani ui! ako mai pnkabati
ug trabah aning kalibutana!
bahog baba akong masugatan permi!


tissue: xure ka?


____________________________________________________


LALAKI: yaw og singgit kay rape ni!
BABAE: Sige musogot nlng ko bsta ayw lng ko patya.
LALAKI: ok pghubo nah!
BABAE: pgkuha og dahon saging kay atong ihapin.
LALAKI: (nagkuha dayon ug dahon sa saging)
BABAE: (nisutoy og dgan og nisinggit) PAGSUMA DHA!

______________________________________________________

Tagalog Love Quotes Text Messages 67

"Kailangan ba talagang pumikit pag nag lips to lips?

YES OR NO? BAKIT?"



_____________________________________

"Kung ayaw mong ma in-love ng todong todo...


huwag na huwag kang lilingon ng bonggang bongga
pag dadaan ko!."


______________________________________


may mnhal ako pro iniwan ako...
xmpre maskit,
hnabol ko xia sbi ko,

"mahal kita at kylangan kta, lam m sbi nya?
"f u nid me, i nid sum1 too * sori but its not u..
ang skit dba?it hurtz tlga! pro 1 day bumalik xia!

Savi nya: "sori kng nsaktan kita, nnd2 na ulit ako pra mhalin ka..

Sgot ko nman: "f u nid me, i nid sum1 too & im sori coz ds tym, its not already u.

___________________________________________________

"Mahalin mo muna lahat ng MALI sa isang tao..bago mo mahalin
ang lahat ng TAMA sa kanya.."

ACCEPTANCE is the best way of loving someone..

____________________________________________________

"wag kang mhhulog sa taong di marunong sumalo

mssktan ka lang kpag nlaman mong may karga pa
syang iba BUKOD SAYO! ":P

______________________________________________________

Visayan Love Qoutes Text Message 25

BOY: piste! atai! inluv nko nmoh

GIRL: yawa mn dy ka! dugay rako nghulat anah.

BOY: litse! nganung kron pa mn pd ka gasulti?

GIRL: animal! alangan nama'g ako mg.una2x? gago ka mn dy!

BOY: atay! tonto mn dy pd ka! oh, I LUV U!

GIRL: piste ui! I LUV U 2! :D

_________________________________________

nagdamgo ko kagbie

break na dw me

grabe jd nakong hilaka

pgmta nko

kalit ko nkatawa

kalimot ko wa man diay koy uyab!

Inspirational Quotes Text Message 138

In the chase between cat and mouse,
the mouse mostly wins..

This is bcoz the cat is running for its food and the food for its life..


LESSON?

PURPOSE is more powerful than NEED!

hope that we'll learn to live life not just
with a need, but more so with a PURPOSE.

______________________________________________

A journey 2 God starts wid small steps one step
at a tym

he doesn't expect u 2 run d mile but he promises
2 give u d strength 2 go d distance.

________________________________________________

"never entertain ides which you know will bring
lots of regrets and arguments..

if you don't like the ending, never dare to start!"

_______________________________________________

"Stay with the people who promises nothing to you
but are willing to make you happy & you are being
valued like no other..."

_______________________________________________

"find joy in every simple things and see beauty
in every situation. When times are difficult,
remmber that no pain comes without a purpose."

_______________________________________________

Sumtyms, God seems to be quite. He seems to b
absent & nver listens. We call him but nver answers.
We ask him 4 help but he nver rescues.
I ask myslef, y GOD? In my deepest trouble you
were nt with me? GOD smiled & told me,
"I wil nver left u, i just want 2 watch u fighting,
using MY words dat are stored in your heart & mind
as your weapon. I'll always be with u
just be with me always..

________________________________________________

"We will nver know how strong the light of a candle
can be, until it is left in the dark. Likewise,
our true strength as a person shall prove itself,
until we're in our darkest moment.
Let's stay strong, & with GOD, we're much tougher than we
could ever imagine.".

________________________________________________

Happiness is somewhere between too little
and too much. May you have just enough wealth to meet
your needs but enough poverty to learn how to work hard.
Enough blessings to know that God loves you but enough
problems so you don't forget him.
Enough happiness to keep you inspired but enough trials to keep
you strong. WHO YOU ARE IS GOD'S GIFT TO YOU, but WHO
YOU BECOME IS YOUR GIFT TO GOD!

__________________________________________________

Love Quotes Text Messages 155

A DOCTOR can save my lyf..
A LAWYER can defend my lyf..
A SOLDIER can gve me a peaceful lyf..

But only u can gve me a

MEANINGFUL LYF.


________________________________________

One there was a girl who felt insecure about her boyfriend's ex girfriend
whom she was compared to.

Obviously the ex girlfriend is more talented than her,
maybe even more good looking.

One night, she asked her boyfriend


"she's everything that you've
been dreaming of, why did you let her go?"
amazed, the boyfriend stopped and then smiled

"YES, she's everything ive been dreaming of


but you're someone i've been praying for..

_________________________________________________


have u ever heard of d term "PSEUDO-RELATIONSHIP?

ito un prang kayo pero hndi

u just treat each other in a special way but no
commitments are involved

wlang nanligaw wlang sinagot

ur mor dan frnds but ur less dan lovers

hndi ka sure sa role mo sa buhay nya

u can't xpect na sau nga ba tlga xa

bt why do others still settle for this kind of relationship?

4 fun? kilig feeling?

o pra lng may ksma habang wla ang real thing?..

love is crazy!

__________________________________________________

"sometimes you have to be very careful of me

bcoz i might fall into places where you
cannot pick me up anymore" :)

__________________________________________________